Category Archives: Today’s News

Today’s News-Thursday March 29, 2012

1. Parents of murdered British students criticize Barack Obama.

2. Spike Lee is still a moron. And no, that doesn’t make me a racist.

3. This guy needs to run for office.

4. Another vacation? Really? And in Vegas? Didn’t the President tell us not to vacation in Vegas? These guys sure believe in the “Do as I say, not as I do” theory don’t they?

5. Why are we not focuses on this? 49 shootings in one weekend. 10 people killed including a six year old.

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Today’s News- Friday March 23, 2012

1. Jesse Jackson, shut your mouth. No one cares what you have to say. We all know what you are about.

2. One of the few, very few things that Bill Maher has ever gotten right.

3. Tell you what Mr. President. You worry about your soul and I’ll worry about mine. I actually worry for yours.

4. Kids today, such class acts.

5. I agree the teacher is a problem, but I think there is a bigger issue here.

Today’s News-Wednesday March 21, 2012

1. Let’s see how many people report this. (And it hasn’t even been 4 years yet. Think what he could do with 8!)

2. This has a “take me to your leader” feel to it.

3. Who found it offensive?

4. I wonder if the President is going to call the professor and apologize. 

Today’s News – Monday March 19, 2012

1. Morons

2. AHA!! Finally the proof I’ve been waiting for. The President is a socialist.

3. Don’t hold your breath Bristol.

4. Two thoughts here. 1.) Fox News isn’t the problem, your crappy policies are. 2.) This is further proof that the President is no different than any other politician, playing games to win re-election.

5. Soooo, what’s the problem?

Today’s News-Sunday March 18, 2012

1. You heard him, we must be “brainwashed”.

2. This shouldn’t be a surprise. The President isn’t exactly a “facts” man.

3. Now the President is attacking mom and pop farms. What is his problem?

4. Kony? More like Boney? Lord I apologize……

5. I didn’t know they were still protesting. Huh.

Today’s News- Friday January 27, 2012

1. It’s OK, just say it. The President is a liar. Not a surprise.

2. So the President misquoted Lincoln. I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose. Right?

3. So was he tried to talk down to us, or is this all he is capable of?

4. Rachel Maddow? Wasn’t she married to Rod Stewart?

 

Today’s News- Wednesday January 25, 2012

1. They must have been watching some Three Stooges.

2. This is starting to sound a little childish.

3. Let the debate begin….again.

4. Good for him. Too bad he’s a hockey player cuz no one will care.

5. The dude is an inflation machine!!!

6. Wait until people hear about the inflated bacon.

7. This is how you take care of people. But of course the President wouldn’t understand.

Today’s News-Thursday January 19, 2012

1. It’s not usually the first thing you lose when going to Hollywood.

2. He’s a tough kid, I’ll give him that.

3. Mark Wahlberg is officially my favorite actor.

4. My heart just broke a little bit. Why Sarah? Why?

5. Another hippie wanting to destroy America.

6. Again, one of Time magazine’s People of the Year.

7. Lay off Marky Mark. We all knew what he meant.

Today’s News-Wednesday January 18, 2012

1. So I guess that means Bain is OK now doesn’t it?

2. Chris Matthews is the second biggest tool. Right after Bill Maher.

3. I was at a fight and a hockey game broke out.

4. 5 unusual taxes.

5. Does anybody really care? Really? Anyone?

 

Today’s News-Friday January 12, 2012

1. Well I think Obama should be impeached then.

2. And by worst economic recovery they mean no economic recovery, right?

3. He has good advice for all parents.

4. Oh, that’s where our snow went.

5. This reminds me. Fargo is a good flick.

6. So if you look to the left and then the right you’ll find out you are out numbered.

Today’s News-Thursday January 12, 2012

1. Desperation OR maybe she is an angry black woman.

2. And that matters why?

3. This is the type of crap that drives me nuts!

4. Kind of a sad story. Maybe sad isn’t the right word. More like disturbing.

5. Again, Time Magazine’s People of the Year.

Today’s News- Wednesday January 11, 2012

1. Because Stone Cold said so!!

2. Is $100 a good deal for a sweater vest?

3. Another green energy down the toilet.

4. In other news…….

5. How about having 4 kids? There must be some link there too.

Today’s News- Monday January 9, 2012

1. I knew they’d win.

2. I can’t wait until this guy runs. And yes, I’m serious.

3. See above comment.

4. I fell a little less of a man after seeing this.

5. Nevermind. I feel better now.

Today’s News- Saturday January 7, 2012

1. OK. Right. I get it. Because everyone else is getting raises. Right?

2. Hey. It works good around here.

3. Sweet!

4. Ah yes. I can remember when she started. It seems like…well…I guess it was just yesterday.

5. Now are they talking the 4 legged furry critters or the protesters hanging around it.

6. What frickin’ parent thought this was a good idea?

Today’s News-Friday January 6, 2012

1. Glad to be of assistance.

2. Who saw this coming?

3. The force wasn’t so strong with that one.

4. What a waste of skin. Who listens to this chic anyway? (Is chic sexist?)

5. I love Roku.

6. Oh boy. Don ‘t they know you don’t laugh at dictators?

7. And yes, he’s becoming a dictator and most people don’t even realize it. Or care. Or are in denial. All not good things. I’m sorry, this guy is dangerous.

 

Today’s News-Thursday January 5, 2012

1. Have you ever seen a marriage proposal at a sporting event. Pretty romantic, right? Ever seen a rejection? No? Well now you have.

2. The guy is a dictator. Yeah, I said it.

3. Well duh. He should have 7 more to go.

4. Recovery?

5. I’ve got $5.00 on the Broncos.

6. That’s just a little over $1500.oo per dead baby. 

Today’s News-Tuesday January 3, 2012

1. Boy, times are tough. I wonder what they would do if a business owed $75,000 in fees?

2. I wonder why?

3. I think someone should lose a job over this. That, or let’s hear a Tea Party song.

4. Lord help us.

5. Because he has lots of experience winning re-elections. That’s why.

6. What is wrong with people?

Today’s News-Monday January 2, 2012

1. Cee Lo should have known you don’t touch John Lennon. He’s a saint to…………………hippies.

2. The Donald is going to make things interesting isn’t he?

3. Yeaaaah. Sure you won’t.

4. What a snot.

5. I don’t think I want to shop on Facebook for new internal organs. Maybe I’m weird.

6. Uh, she was married to Russell Brand. Not exactly a model for stability.

Today’s News-Sunday January 1, 2012

1. It’s good to see that our tax money is being used to put people back to work. In Finland.

2. It’s good to see Santorum making a move up.

3. Benny, Benny, Benny.

4. Other than Bill Mahar and Joy Behar, is there anyone more obnoxious than Kathy Griffin?

5. Talk about cheapening the Presidency.

6. I mean seriously. How dumb do you have to be to think this will work?

7. Yeah, we’d like her to retire too.

 

 

Today’s News-Saturday Dec. 31, 2011

1. I wonder if they are going to take it home and teach it how to fight with swords? (Sorry, Dane Cook joke)

2. So there has been a sign for the last decade that things were going to get bad but we ignored it.

3. Cry me a river. Forget the Obama stuff for a second and focus on the 18 to 29 year olds. There is nothing wrong with working at McDonald’s or Wal-Mart, or shoveling crap if that is the only job you can find. Don’t whine about your student loans. It’s not like you were the first to have them. Toughen up and get a job. There should be nothing “beneath” you.

4. Please stop. We don’t want Newt.

5. Shut up. Next thing you know they’ll want seances at every Burger King.

6. GOOD! What a bunch of frickin’ losers. When will they start protesting the President? Ya don’t think he is part of the “problem”.

7. OK. Walking in the pole is kinda funny, but seriously, don’t they have something better to do? It’s hard to pay off you student loans if you’re on the road all of the time protesting. Don’t ya thing?

8. Uh, couldn’t you do the same thing without the costume? I’m not sure if I get this one.

 

Today’s News-Friday Dec. 30, 2011

1. This just doesn’t seem right.

2. Is someone pandering for votes? I think so. (you know he doesn’t believe in this)

3. And the problem is the banks. Yeah, right.

4. OR the it could be that some people are just crappy human beings. But I could be wrong.

5. Does two cases make a trend?

Today’s News-Thursday Dec. 29, 2011

1.  Oh yes, she is one of us. She is no different from you and me. She can relate.

2. I think I just went blind for a second. Help us all.

3. I was working on a joke about corn and poop, but I thought better of it.

4. I’m not sure what to think of this.

5. Bambi vs. a golden eagle. Who will win?

6. I’m pretty sure I’d be dead. BUT, my fingers would be clean.

7. Oh the irony.

 

 

Today’s News-Wednesday Dec. 28, 2011

1. And I quote “Taking the pulse of marine life in stressed seas.”

2. Could it be this administration has no respect for the troops? Maybe.

3. I can’t stomach stories like this. I can’t imagine how anyone could do this.

4. Good customer service is hard to find.

5. This could get ugly.

6. Yeah right and Oswald acted alone. Wait, what?

7. That’s a big croc, mate!

Today’s News-Tuesday Dec. 27, 2011

1. Yeah, I don’t think he would. Newt, you’re done.

2. What a bunch of thugs.

3. Why not? Things aren’t totally destroyed yet. Who am I kidding, yes it is.

4. All is well in the world now. No global meltdown for us.

5. I just don’t think I’d want to be on this cruise.

6. So the ones helping to create a revolution are now preparing us for said revolution.

7. Hey guys, look who is on the market again.

Today’s News-Monday Dec. 26, 2011

1. This after surviving a suicide bomber.

2. Happy New Year!!!

3. Again, Time Magazine’s People of the Year.

4. Interesting.

5. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Bill Mahar is a nitwit.

6. Yeah, like they need more power.

 

Today’s News-Thursday Dec. 22, 2011

1. I like Matt Damon and I hate Matt Damon. I like him here, but I hate what he really is looking for. Shut up and act.

2. Ah yes. This is government working at it’s best. (sarcasm)

3. To think, this story wouldn’t have happened on the 24th. (not a creature was stirring….)

4. He used golf balls but he had a wicked bad slice.

5. I know we’ve sworn to uphold the Constitution but it is an old document; times have changed.”

Today’s News-Tuesday Dec. 20, 2011

1. Sean Penn is a communist ***hole!

2. Fingers crossed. Yes, for real.

3. But I thought he WAS the messiah?!?

4. Maybe he should worry more about the rights of Americans which he is taking away.

5. If Obama were to be elected again I can’t say I’d be totally against this.

6. I don’t know. This may be someone to keep your eye on. By the way do women get 72 virgins too? I don’t think so.

7. Oh, this is comforting.

8. Oh, I think you’re right Mr. Clinton.

9. You’re right Whoopi, until millions of people are killed. Too bad that’s not on paper though. Shut up and act, would ya!?!

10. Whew….At least I used electrical tape. Moron.

Today’s News-Monday Dec. 19, 2011

1. Riiiiiiight, it’s totally unrelated

2. Tee Hee

3. Which is why Mr. Putin won’t have an honest election.

4. I’ve never really liked Jeremy Shockey, but that’s changed just a little bit today. Good for him.

5. Ah yes. Mr. Middle Class. You bet he’s concerned about the rest of us.

6. Atheists, take your anger selves home and play with your Jerry Falwell dartboard. Leave the rest of us be.

7. Do you want to know who Bob Dole endorses? Yeah, me neither.

8. New pictures from the Battle of the Bulge.

9. I just realized this one. President Obama says in referring to the economy, “we didn’t know how bad it was” two days after saying “we didn’t underestimate” how bad the economy would be? Huh?

10. Egypt

Today’s News-Sunday Dec. 18, 2011

1. Big Brother? I know a little something about that. Hello everyone!!!

2. This happened in Detroit where houses have been sold for $1, which by the way has been under Democratic control for many, many years now.

3. How long before they go after Frank and Dodd? Yeah right.

4. Egypt

5. I can’t believe some of this crap.

6. Any one else noticing how slowly the world is being more openly anti-Jew? Almost like it was back before WW2.

7. A true hero.

8. Oh fer dumb.

Today’s News-Friday Dec. 16, 2011

1. Pictures from the top of the new World Trade Center. View them here.

2. Mr. Hitchens just learned if there was a God or not. RIP

3. Is a Madonna comeback something we have all longed for? Personally I’m waiting for Fu-Schnickens to bring it back old school.

4. Hippies be GONE!!! My light bulbs have been saved.

5. They must have seen Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. C’mon, he’s Batman!!!

6. Oh I don’t think so Mr. Jackson. Don’t you have someone to sue?

7. Now remember, these people are the “best of the best”. Time magazine made them Person’s of the Year.