Category Archives: Uncategorized

Me Thinks a Rant is Coming

I do. One is coming. Don’t know when but it is coming.


Paul Harvey — If I Were the Devil

Some have said that when Paul Harvey spoke it pretty much the gospel. This pretty much proves it.

“If I were the devil, I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree—Thee. So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States. I’d subvert the churches first—I would begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: “Do as you please.” “Do as you please.” To the young, I would whisper, “The Bible is a myth.” I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what is bad is good, and what is good is “square”. And the old, I would teach to pray. I would teach them to pray after me, ‘Our Father, which art in Washington…’

And then I’d get organized.  I’d educate authors on how to lurid literature exciting, so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa. I’d pedal narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the devil I’d soon have families that war with themselves, churches that war that themselves, and nations that war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed.  And with promises of higher ratings I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flame.  If I were the devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, and neglect to discipline emotions—just let those run wild, until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

Within a decade I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography—soon I could evict God from the courthouse, and then the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress.  And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls, and church money. If I were the devil I’d make the symbols of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

If I were the devil I’d take from those, and who have, and give to those wanted until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. What do you bet I could get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich? I would question against extremes and hard work, and Patriotism, and moral conduct.  I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging more fun, that what you see on the TV is the way to be.  And thus I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure.  In other words, if I were to devil I’d keep on doing on what he’s doing.  Paul Harvey, good day.”


Today’s News-Wednesday March 21, 2012

1. Let’s see how many people report this. (And it hasn’t even been 4 years yet. Think what he could do with 8!)

2. This has a “take me to your leader” feel to it.

3. Who found it offensive?

4. I wonder if the President is going to call the professor and apologize. 

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Hold Your Horses, I’ll Be Back

Hang in there, I’ll be back soon.

Today’s News- Wednesday February 1, 2012

1. DOH!

2. Huh. That’s weird.

3. I hate Bloomberg.

4. Again, this guy is a class act.

5. So wait. The climate changes on its own? What?

6. Uh, what’s stopping ya?

Today’s News- Friday January 27, 2012

1. It’s OK, just say it. The President is a liar. Not a surprise.

2. So the President misquoted Lincoln. I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose. Right?

3. So was he tried to talk down to us, or is this all he is capable of?

4. Rachel Maddow? Wasn’t she married to Rod Stewart?


Today’s News- Wednesday January 25, 2012

1. They must have been watching some Three Stooges.

2. This is starting to sound a little childish.

3. Let the debate begin….again.

4. Good for him. Too bad he’s a hockey player cuz no one will care.

5. The dude is an inflation machine!!!

6. Wait until people hear about the inflated bacon.

7. This is how you take care of people. But of course the President wouldn’t understand.

Today’s News- Tuesday January 24, 2012

1. Oops.

2. So wait. What?!?! This can’t happen? HEATHER!!!

3. Well, I guess he has a future as a shop teacher.

4. I would agree with him. Too bad he hasn’t felt that way all his life.

5. The few, the proud, the Marines!

Today’s News-Saturday January 21, 2012

1. He says he doesn’t go to a lot of Washington parties. That’s because HE’S HOSTING THEM!!!!!!!!!!

2. This is waaaay wrong.

3. This is one lucky dude.

4. Typical liberal hypocrite. What’s good for others is not good for them. And I like Star Wars.

5. Could it be people want to eat what they want to eat?

Today’s News-Monday January 16, 2012

1. Yeah, blink is the right word here.

2. It’s a big bugga!!

3. I don’t care what anyone says, this guy is a class act.

4. I think that’s a good idea ya’ll!

5. Busted!

6. My name is liberal, I am a hypocrite.

7. Thank you Daily Show.

Today’s News-Thursday January 12, 2012

1. Desperation OR maybe she is an angry black woman.

2. And that matters why?

3. This is the type of crap that drives me nuts!

4. Kind of a sad story. Maybe sad isn’t the right word. More like disturbing.

5. Again, Time Magazine’s People of the Year.

Today’s News- Wednesday January 11, 2012

1. Because Stone Cold said so!!

2. Is $100 a good deal for a sweater vest?

3. Another green energy down the toilet.

4. In other news…….

5. How about having 4 kids? There must be some link there too.

Today’s News- Tuesday January 10, 2012

1. Thinking someone should be losing a job here.

2. Todd, Todd, Todd. What are you thinking?

3. Just think. The U.S. only needs $15.23 trillion to go broke.

4. My response to this is the same as it is for reparations, I’m sorry it happened but, nope.

5. I would highly recommend not walking down any dark alleys. But if you do and you wake up in a tub of ice, stay in the ice and call 911. If you don’t have a cell phone on you, cause realistically you’re not going to still have it one you……crap… never mind. You’re screwed. I just hope you dressed nice to church.

6. How much you wanna bet those protest losers leave this guy alone? After all what would they do without their iPad’s and iPod’s?

Today’s News- Monday January 9, 2012

1. I knew they’d win.

2. I can’t wait until this guy runs. And yes, I’m serious.

3. See above comment.

4. I fell a little less of a man after seeing this.

5. Nevermind. I feel better now.

Today’s News- Sunday January 8, 2012

1. Welcome to Obama’s America.

2. I’m sorry, but this guy screams Helter Skelter.

3. You and me both dude.

4. He should be thrown away for looking like a creep. Plus all that other stuff too.

5. Wait. We were paying for Palestinian Sesame Street?

6. And we paid for this too?

Today’s News- Saturday January 7, 2012

1. OK. Right. I get it. Because everyone else is getting raises. Right?

2. Hey. It works good around here.

3. Sweet!

4. Ah yes. I can remember when she started. It seems like…well…I guess it was just yesterday.

5. Now are they talking the 4 legged furry critters or the protesters hanging around it.

6. What frickin’ parent thought this was a good idea?

Today’s News-Wednesday January 4, 2012


2. These stories suck.

3. I always thought snuffaluf…snufaluffag…..snuffalluffa, whatever, was a free loader.

4. Uh huh. She “jokes”. Sure.

5. Well if the Grand Warlock says it, it must be true.

6. That’s one state down, 56 to go. (Let’s see how many of you get this one)

Today’s News-Tuesday January 3, 2012

1. Boy, times are tough. I wonder what they would do if a business owed $75,000 in fees?

2. I wonder why?

3. I think someone should lose a job over this. That, or let’s hear a Tea Party song.

4. Lord help us.

5. Because he has lots of experience winning re-elections. That’s why.

6. What is wrong with people?

Today’s News-Wednesday Dec. 28, 2011

1. And I quote “Taking the pulse of marine life in stressed seas.”

2. Could it be this administration has no respect for the troops? Maybe.

3. I can’t stomach stories like this. I can’t imagine how anyone could do this.

4. Good customer service is hard to find.

5. This could get ugly.

6. Yeah right and Oswald acted alone. Wait, what?

7. That’s a big croc, mate!

Today’s News-Tuesday Dec. 20, 2011

1. Sean Penn is a communist ***hole!

2. Fingers crossed. Yes, for real.

3. But I thought he WAS the messiah?!?

4. Maybe he should worry more about the rights of Americans which he is taking away.

5. If Obama were to be elected again I can’t say I’d be totally against this.

6. I don’t know. This may be someone to keep your eye on. By the way do women get 72 virgins too? I don’t think so.

7. Oh, this is comforting.

8. Oh, I think you’re right Mr. Clinton.

9. You’re right Whoopi, until millions of people are killed. Too bad that’s not on paper though. Shut up and act, would ya!?!

10. Whew….At least I used electrical tape. Moron.

Tell Me What You Think

Talk About Having the Bar Set Low…

Living up to the family name? Don’t they know who they are talking about? Poor girl. On the bright side there is no place but up to go.

Today’s episode is brought to you by the letters WTF!?!

Why do I feel like there’s a Tickle Me Elmo joke somewhere in here?